We had a free CPR course at work today and now I am officially certified! Pregnant women, infants, children, adults, the morbidly obese; you are all in good hands with me. I will pound the shit out of your heart.

During our training, I asked our office manager why we didn't have a defibrillator in the office and her response was "Too expensive." This gave me a frowny face. Also, the EMT who trained us was a total dreamboat.